Whoa is me...

So today we realized we need to make a change in our daycare situation. Currently we have a hispanic nanny who doesn't speak much english but LOVES our kids and takes care of them well. She ALSO cleans our house DAILY and even sometimes does our laundry, and if I do it over the weekend she puts it away first thing on Monday. I know I know, why on earth would we consider CHANGING right?

Well a few reasons:

1. She has started putting stuff wherever she deems fit, meaning I can find plates in the cup area and pans in the tupperware area. I know petty, but hey, its still MY house she can't just rearrange.

2. She is great and cleans wonderfully but I swear I saw her wearing MY shirt yesterday unless of course she somehow has the SAME "i'd rather be riding" motorcycle shirt, which I HIGHLY doubt considering she had NO idea what it said.

3. We don't let her drive with the kids so Rian is pretty limited to the front/back yard and no park adventures or anything cool like that (no we are not anal, she is just not completely 100% uhm...well...cough cough...legal so we don't want her getting pulled over with the kids in the car.)

4. Rian is at the age where he is TOTALLY talking and we want to just make sure he is able to articulate properly and learn at the same speed and I think for us we just prefer the daycare/preschool route

5. I need to get over my fear of having him in public ANYTHING in fear that he might break.

ANDDDD that is what my biggest concern is. He was in daycare when the girls started school...FOR A WEEK! He got sick the second day and I lost it. Figured he wasn't strong enough to deal with public kid germies and that the daycare we took him to was crappy and not good enough and oh goodness I just had a field day with how HORRIBLE of a mother I was for putting my 'defective heart baby' into daycare.

I know. So dramatic.

Well this next tuesday we are taking him to his Cardiologist and getting his ultrasound done of his heart to see if his little valves are better (man I haven't talked about this FOR A LONG TIME) and I guess I figure if they say he is doing BETTER why not just let him be a normal boy and not seclude him from the world. He LOVES kids, and people and I think he would REALLY grow from it all and STILL here I sit struggling with...am I a bad mom for putting him in daycare.

YES my other kids were in daycare, we never worried about it, but of course I also think...we never almost lost them to a disorder we had no control over. ACK. His little (well big) scar is a constant reminder, but his playful and rough and tough attitude should HELP me get through these tough times. He is a trooper and I am sure in the end I will make the right decision but GOODNESS, what a rough road to get there!

Being a mommy can be so tough. Now I just need to look for a maid to do the OTHER stuff that we will be missing when we let our current nanny go! haha. OR else I guesssss I could just clean myself. haha.