Update: Rian. Work. Life.

RIAN Update:

So here we are on day 5 of being in the hospital. As of last night we NOTHING hooked up to him except when he slept. When he would go to sleep they would come in and put a Oxygen Monitor up to his toe and watch to see how steady his oxygen level stayed. It drops when you sleep but if he kept it around 92% they said that was fine. He did. He has now been off any help of the oxygen mask for nearly 48 hours, he has NO wheezing as of yesterday afternoon and has had no breathing treatments since yesterday afternoon as well. He is doing better, however they weighed him last night and he has lost a pound since he has been in there. That makes me sad. Mostly because although he looks big he really isn't so that weight lost is kinda sad to me. He is in good spirits, and running around when we let him but of course he will still make me worry.

I believe (fingers crossed) that we might be able to take him home TODAY, I know they keep telling us this, but like I said...with Rian all hospital stays seem to get dragged out longer than they expect initially. I am just waiting for the Text from RC to tell me...LEAVE WORK...COME GET US!

All in all he is doing great, so I am glad. I think for all this was something that again, tied us to Rian in a different way than our other kids. Its not more love or less love but its a different love. A different "perspective" kinda love.

ANYWHO...onto other things.

WORK Update:

Well I went into work and talked to one of the "higher ups" and told them what was going on in case my boss had not relayed anything. I didn't want them see me coming in short days (even though I still work the whole day via the hospital) and think it was unapproved. So I told them what was going on and to my surprise they understood my sitch, even went through something similar. NO that doesn't mean I heard that it is fine to miss tons of work and to tend to my family but I did hear that they value me but perhaps right now at this point with my kiddos and life that the position I currently hold just isn't what I need. My ears kinda got numb but I did hear stuff about part time, or different department or something! Haha. Yes I know. I am lame. Either way I have to make a choice is what it comes down to. I will be honest, it sucks. I worked REALLY hard to get to where I am but I have a great support system (even I take my frustrations out on my husband...sorry hun) and they will help me through it all.

For me its more that I HAVE always chosen my babies and I don't want to feel guilty or the need to apologize (which Tiff, thanks for making me feel normal in admitting you felt the same way) every time my kids are sick or I miss a day. I guess for me the non management role is just best right now. I just hope they really stick to their word and keep me around. Man, not crying during all of this is insane, but you gotta hold it together to at least FEEL like you have it all figured it out 99% of the time.

There is more but honestly right now I am more focused on Rian and work can wait for its OWN update blog...Like after they fire me. haha. JK.

LIFE Update:

All of this made us realize its a short span of time when you have kids that you make choices and change them as well just to do whats right. You don't always have the answers but you always have a choice. May not be the choices you want to make but rather the choices you need to make, but either way, every single time if you go with your HEART it will ultimately be the right decision for you.

I realized that for everyone else it was easy to LOOK at Rian and say "goodness, he is totally normal" and to put him in NORMAL situations like daycare, but HONESTLY, what it comes down to is he is not normal. This was our first reality check of how different he is and how FAST things affect him different than our other kids. Doesn't make me resent him or our life or his heart for growing a little backwards but it does make me thankful that we have this challenge in our life, because HONESTLY I think its the only thing that would keep our perspective on the right track.

All to often when you don't have to worry about your kids health as they are 100% or growing your family cause its come so easy to you but may not to others, or maybe you take your job for granted because you can do it while you sleep...that's when you forget about how hard the next person may have it. We weren't the worst in PICU but to us it felt the worst. TO US, our sick kid we took for granted and it was that quickly that we were fed a big dose of reality.

To everyone that may read this, take a look at your life today, is there anything you may take for granted even just a tiny bit...if so, step back and appreciate it. Give it more attention than normal, whatever it is, it might make your heart a little stronger and your life a little better :)