Bonded by ink!

Yep, you read it right...and no I am not talking about me and RC (he is to chicken to get a tattoo), but me and my little sis' we went last night. It was supposed to get things priced and see what it would cost but WELL, the price was good, we got a good vibe and it just seemed like the perfect time to get it done and so we did!

It was my sisters first tattoo and I thought she was nervous but she took it like a champ, no tears, no crying, maybe a few cringes but that is to be expected! I was so proud of her and the reason behind her tattoo:

Her friend passed away and she decided that since his 1 year "deathiversary" is coming up what better way to remember him than to have him with her forever. His name is Richard Alexander Miller (thats what the initials are for on the petal) and he took his life on 2-2-09. They were great friends and I am glad I was there to have this done for her friend.

Here are some pics of her "first time" hehe:




I got one to, and it was great, hurt more than my first one but only because it was RIGHT by the spine on the nape of my neck. Either way it was totally worth it and I am sure I will be back again for a 3rd haha :)

The meaning and the pics for mine: It is a heart for Rian, with stitches, oh man. I got to see the outline first, and I had already loved it but then, with me as the cry baby, he showed me the end result and I cried! I loved it. It means so much to me to have this tattoo. LOVE IT.

And the pics:



And the end of the sister bonding:



The cutest part of the night was that we left and the girls and RC were totally playing around, balancing on RC's knees and such and when we got back two hours later they were passed out on the couches. I love it, so adorable :)

The "final days" and a toothache...

As a quick update. Rian has been home now for two days. He is doing GREAT so far. It's pretty freaking awesome, however of course I have that part of me that is skeptical and YES I have been making Rian wear no less than a sweater and jacket when we go outside (along with having his hoodie on). ALSO, my sister Ashley has come down to help for a couple weeks (little does she know it will be that long hehe), and we are soo happy to have her out here. The greatest part is that she gets to spend all that quality time with the kids, help us out and make our lives just THAT much easier, especially right now with all the stuff we have going on.

In other news, Carina has been to the dentist now THREE times, and actually it was THREE different dentists. This kid with her teeth kills me! She has actually been doing a really great job, even the FIRST dentist said so but a couple years back she had a not so great tooth that had sorta decayed before it even came out of her gums! So, we got it taken care of but the bad news was that she HATED IT, we had a horrible experience and the did a crappy job which we are now paying for. How you ask, well, we have to get her a root canal. NOT because her tooth is bad but because they didnt FILL the tooth properly the first time so the part of the nerve that was left is not sensitive to EVERYTHING. So yeah, Monday we have an appointment and until then she is on Tylenol with Codein (sorry if I spelt that wrong) and Amoxicillin. Not to mention any Motrin in between all that to keep the pain away. NOW, if you know Carina you know she is a drama queen and although I am sure it hurts she goes from laughing to tears and screaming at us about how we suck and can't help her. Haha. SERIOUSLY. So maybe all these drugs will just knock her out until Monday and we can all rest easy :)

So outside of that excitement not much else is going on, I emailed my boss, sucked it up, and I guess we will see what the outcome is. I hope its a big fat raise, haha, but we all know life is just not that simple. Meh. So is life. All I got back (after he read my million paragrah, very professional and NON emotional email) was
"I will have to process this"..man, that can't be good. Haha.

OH well, I will keep you all updated on that whole situation but until then...HERE ARE SOME PICS! Yay pics!

Day 3
Mommy and Rian
Rian in the wagon he loved!
Daddy acting like an old man a.k.a HIMSELF :)
Rian and Daddy, Rian was tired of pics!
Rian watching the fishies...he was in love!
We weren't allowed to have KID visitors in the second Pediatric ward we went to but Uncle Richie and Grandpa Rich drove 26 hours (round trip) to see Rian and drop off Aunty Ashley so we made a quick exception!

Day 4
Sleeping with his sock monkey...so precious
Hi Mom!
The nurse "beating" Rian's back while he lounged and watched Dora...better than a back massage! LOL.
Cheese! He was so happy to have no more tape on his face!
Shawn brought us dinner so yummy! He acts like a big kid but is an adult so he was okay to visit :)

Other pics from the last two days since we have been home
Rian showing Daddy how to use a screwdriver!
Aunty Ashley and Neya hammin' it up!
Rian in a cute little hoody, looking all grown up!

Rian is HOME!!!

Yesterday we got discharged from the hospital. We took him home around 10 or so and it was great. He was so excited to see outside and smell the fresh air and then we shut all the windows to keep the cold out. Haha. He is going to have to accept being bundled up more and mommy fussing over him constantly. NOT that I don't already but it will get worse I am sure.

All day when he would cough we would pound on his back like they would in the hospital. This helps to break up any last reminents and he sounds great. His coughs are getting clearer and clearer and his demeanor is well...back to normal. He was back to wanting to roughhouse with his sisters, and eating normal and of course throwing fits just as expected EVERY time we told him no. Man, he sure got used to getting his way during his stay in the hospital!

We are still not giving him very much milk to help with keeping him less "flemmy" sorry guys for the grossness. So we are sticking to lots of water and ugh...juice. I am not a fan of juice but we are finding alternates that have a little bit of something in them, like propel or gatorade or whatever has NOT to much sugar. If you know what we went through and are still going through with Carina you will know why I have such an aversion to giving babies and toddlers juice and such.

Speaking of, today I have to take her to the dentist, this should be fun.

Well that is how our life is going right now, Rian is "healthy" and we only have one more day of antibiotics to give him, he takes it pretty well so thats good! Now if I could just fight this cold that I am starting to get...cause until I do my snuggle time with Rian is cut way low to avoid him getting sick any more!

Thanks everyone again, for all your thoughts, I will keep ya posted AND post some of the last pics from the hospital stay. Dad has the camera in his car today.

Update: Rian. Work. Life.

RIAN Update:

So here we are on day 5 of being in the hospital. As of last night we NOTHING hooked up to him except when he slept. When he would go to sleep they would come in and put a Oxygen Monitor up to his toe and watch to see how steady his oxygen level stayed. It drops when you sleep but if he kept it around 92% they said that was fine. He did. He has now been off any help of the oxygen mask for nearly 48 hours, he has NO wheezing as of yesterday afternoon and has had no breathing treatments since yesterday afternoon as well. He is doing better, however they weighed him last night and he has lost a pound since he has been in there. That makes me sad. Mostly because although he looks big he really isn't so that weight lost is kinda sad to me. He is in good spirits, and running around when we let him but of course he will still make me worry.

I believe (fingers crossed) that we might be able to take him home TODAY, I know they keep telling us this, but like I said...with Rian all hospital stays seem to get dragged out longer than they expect initially. I am just waiting for the Text from RC to tell me...LEAVE WORK...COME GET US!

All in all he is doing great, so I am glad. I think for all this was something that again, tied us to Rian in a different way than our other kids. Its not more love or less love but its a different love. A different "perspective" kinda love.

ANYWHO...onto other things.

WORK Update:

Well I went into work and talked to one of the "higher ups" and told them what was going on in case my boss had not relayed anything. I didn't want them see me coming in short days (even though I still work the whole day via the hospital) and think it was unapproved. So I told them what was going on and to my surprise they understood my sitch, even went through something similar. NO that doesn't mean I heard that it is fine to miss tons of work and to tend to my family but I did hear that they value me but perhaps right now at this point with my kiddos and life that the position I currently hold just isn't what I need. My ears kinda got numb but I did hear stuff about part time, or different department or something! Haha. Yes I know. I am lame. Either way I have to make a choice is what it comes down to. I will be honest, it sucks. I worked REALLY hard to get to where I am but I have a great support system (even I take my frustrations out on my husband...sorry hun) and they will help me through it all.

For me its more that I HAVE always chosen my babies and I don't want to feel guilty or the need to apologize (which Tiff, thanks for making me feel normal in admitting you felt the same way) every time my kids are sick or I miss a day. I guess for me the non management role is just best right now. I just hope they really stick to their word and keep me around. Man, not crying during all of this is insane, but you gotta hold it together to at least FEEL like you have it all figured it out 99% of the time.

There is more but honestly right now I am more focused on Rian and work can wait for its OWN update blog...Like after they fire me. haha. JK.

LIFE Update:

All of this made us realize its a short span of time when you have kids that you make choices and change them as well just to do whats right. You don't always have the answers but you always have a choice. May not be the choices you want to make but rather the choices you need to make, but either way, every single time if you go with your HEART it will ultimately be the right decision for you.

I realized that for everyone else it was easy to LOOK at Rian and say "goodness, he is totally normal" and to put him in NORMAL situations like daycare, but HONESTLY, what it comes down to is he is not normal. This was our first reality check of how different he is and how FAST things affect him different than our other kids. Doesn't make me resent him or our life or his heart for growing a little backwards but it does make me thankful that we have this challenge in our life, because HONESTLY I think its the only thing that would keep our perspective on the right track.

All to often when you don't have to worry about your kids health as they are 100% or growing your family cause its come so easy to you but may not to others, or maybe you take your job for granted because you can do it while you sleep...that's when you forget about how hard the next person may have it. We weren't the worst in PICU but to us it felt the worst. TO US, our sick kid we took for granted and it was that quickly that we were fed a big dose of reality.

To everyone that may read this, take a look at your life today, is there anything you may take for granted even just a tiny bit...if so, step back and appreciate it. Give it more attention than normal, whatever it is, it might make your heart a little stronger and your life a little better :)

Guilty

I have great updates about Rian...

He is currently off oxygen and we even fed him dinner (fruit and fries haha) and we got to walk around with him...until they reminded us he is contagious and we were confined to our room. With any luck he will be sent home tomorrow but if I know our history with Rian that will get dragged on. mostly because I truly think he likes to make sure we are good and stressed until he cuts us some slack.

Now onto the guilty part because as chipper as I am about his good standing that is the feeling I am feeling right now.

I am at home. Rian-less. I rushed home to make sure i got some clothes ready for work and to let my sister and her dad and my lil' bro in the house. Why are they coming you ask...well because of my work of course. I have alays had to take a lot of time off work due to the past my job being more flexible than RC's. Once we had Rian both sides kind of changed. I still needed time off...more actually...and RC's job got a little more flexible. We were more equipped to take time off for the girls school functions and rotate field trips and so on. However with Rian and all his appointments we both go. If you have ever known what it is to have your future...your kids future lie in the fate of each doctor appointment and the good or bad news it may bring you know that every one requires a support sytem.

Recently I took more time off than normal. Rian has been sick more and I just feel bad not playing my part. This last week on Thursday even though Rian was (clearly) sick as a dog...I felt guilty and like a failure for missing...work. I felt like I was a horrible employee for putting my family first. The kicker...when I got to work my boss was nice but basically let me knows my attendance sucked and he had been leniant for a while but it needed to get fixed. I said I understood was working to get better but that all stemmed from me telling him I needed to leave to take Rian back to the doctor at noon cause I knew something was wrong. I left at 330 and was still feeling guilty for leaving at all.

The end result was that...I realized I became the person I never wanted to be. I was the person who actually put my job before my family. Guilty. Now here I sit. Blogging from my bed while my son is in the hospital so I could get at least 4 hours of sleep and be at work extra early to get some things done. Why? Because I don't want to lose my job. I need my job. I need the income. I clearly need the insurance but when did that become more important than my kid. I emailed my boss. I called and left a voicemail. He may have gotten it but I never heard from him and honestly that makes me fear that he just didn't care...care to let me know it was okay to miss work.

I know this is a lot of rambling but when Rian was the hospital the first time coming home to his empty room was torture. Now here I am again. Alone and no Rian in his bed. It breaks my heart and makes me cry and feel shameful for even being here...because a job is a job. However...when it seems like its what makes or breaks your livelihood how do you honestly put it second.

This whole ordeal makes me look at things different. Makes me realize I have my priorities slithly skewed. I feel guilty for so many reasons and although Rian will survive...cause daddy is with him...what happens the next time...what happens when I don't take a sick day cause I don't wanna hurt my job to take him to the doctor and it is something serious all over again...

ugh. guilt. sucky feeling.

It's me. RIAN!

Hello everyone!

Here I am at the hsopital and trying to be a big boy. Yesterday was a good day and I wanted to update everyone on what has gone on. I woke up in the morning still having to use the oxygen in my nose and was still pretty tired. I could hardly keep my eyes open and even giving mommy and daddy hugs wore me out. So lots of nap time for me.

The day went on and I got another breathing treatment, which I cried the entire time through, and they "beat me" which means they took a face mask from my breathing machine and soft side down pat my back like they are burping me and broke up all the junk in my lungs. The first time they did this it scared mommy because I was passed out, eyes closed and she just saw the nurses over me beating my back. She thought something happened and jumped right off that bed in my room! It was funny, at least for me and the nurses.

I was still only able to drink "clear fluids" which means pretty much everything BUT milk and that made kind of sad. I am used to getting ready and taking a bath and drinking my bottle, then getting jammies on and heading to bed with a full tummy of milk and right now I can only drink juice and that stuff goes right through me! Mommy and Daddy have to change my diapers ALL the time. No fun.

Yesterday I got visitors and that was pretty exciting even though I slept through MOST of it. Matt brought Xander and my sissies down. I was tired and they were sad to see me hooked up to machines but Carina said that she was happy that it didn't look as bad as the first time I was in the hospital. She was right. This time I didn't even have an IV by the time she saw me. PHEW.

Then for lunch time (where I AGAIN enjoyed my juice bottle) Shawn came and visited and brought mommy and daddy El Bravo, some yummy mexican food that mommy only gets to eat every now and then. I cried for a little bit while Shawn was here, I just wanted to put on a show and make him feel bad for me :) I am tough, but he doesn't have to know that.

The rest of the day went by pretty easy, I slept, mom and dad stressed over every alarm I set off and by the end of the day everyone was exhausted but I still didn't want to fall asleep. Around 11 I finally decided to lay down but kept everyone up about every hour and Sheesh, those nurses they don't want to let you sleep either! They wake me up every 4 hours whether I like it or not!

At 6am this morning dad went home to rest, take a shower and get himself put back together and wash the blankets I peepeed on. WHOOPS. The dogs and kitties were glad to see him but I was more glad to see him when he got back and he brought me and mommy pancakes. I was happy I got to eat again! Yummy.

That is about it for me.

Update for today:

I am on no oxygen right now to see if I am stable enough to start my 24 hour count of being "oxygen free" and I am going to get down to the NORMAL pediatrics unit later today. They just have to wait for a bed to be ready. I have TWO more days of antibiotics left and I have to be here for that, so hopefully by Wednesday I will be back home. The bad news is I can't go back to daycare until they give me the 100% okay from the doctor and that can be up to two weeks, Guess mommy and daddy will have to figure out work.

Anyways, that is all I have energy to type (they should make me the E Trade baby, I am way cuter than he is) but thank you everyone for thinking about me and checking out my blog today! I will update you tomorrow but for now here are some pics that my camera happy mommy took!

Me and Shawn:

Me and my SISSIES! I love them!

Play time in my FIRST room

YUMMY FOOD!

Play time in my SECOND room!

My Sweet X-Ray, the CLOUDY part is my Pneumonia :(

Rian our Little Man

Well it is funny (in a depressing sort of way) to be sitting here in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) in St. Josephs hospital (Rians first home) and updating you on how he is doing when just less than two weeks ago I was trying to convince myself that he was a normal boy. Ha. I know he still is and I know this can happen to ANYONE but this just goes back to when we were told before we left the hospital:

A common cold for one kid is Pneumonia for Rian. Pneumonia for one kid is scary but for Rian it could be a death sentence if not caught fast enough.

Now here we sit with our big boy, who was just diagnosed with Double Pneumonia, a severe ear infection and RSV. Now if that isn't enough to freak a parent out I'm not sure what is. Now it is clear to us that Rian getting sick is something a little bigger than say, the girls getting sick but never did we think we would get such odd treatment that led us to question doctors, their connection to actual patients and diagnosis...when do you know you are ACTUALLY getting told what is really going on.

Here goes the story from the beginning.

Monday night we noticed Rian had a fever and it went anywhere from 100-102. We gave him Tylenol and called the doc, they said call back if it persists. We called the heart doctor also his breathing was pretty quick and his heart seemed to be pumping out of his chest but it was a no go and the doc had us count his heart beats and he was only at 155 which is normal. So off to bed we went.

Tuesday he was okay but still wouldn't eat, and was just exhausted. No fever for almost all day (with the exception of middle of the night) and so we figured if it stayed that way we needed to try and get him to daycare. By the end of the night he had more energy was even smiling and talking to us but then wednesday rolled around.

Wednesday we took him to daycare and around 1 they called us to say that he had a spiked fever of 103 and that we needed to get him. Of course both RC and I jumped and I headed home about 3 and RC headed home then. HE took him to the doctor (Dr. Gettleman) as our doc had just left the practice and is opening her own office and so we went with who was available out our pediatric office. We have had issues with him before and that is that we have only seen him twice for the girls. He is cold, blunt and doesn't really listen to us, I say its because we aren't his normal patients but the more I think about it the more I think he is just that kind of a doctor. SO after a couple minutes (literally ) of looking at Rian and "listening" to him he sends us home and tells us its a common cold. NOW granted, that sounds simple enough but for us, each appt. requires an oxygen monitor when he is sick and he didn't do that, he also has to think that a common cold for Rian isn't the same for a regular kid and NONE of that was taken into consideration. He didn't take into consideration his struggle to breathe, nothing. We took him home and kept a close eye on him.

Thursday I stayed home and he was still not eating, had a bouncing fever and was just miserable, exhausted and SICK! We stuck it out as it hadnt even been 48 hours (which is what they have us wait) and by Friday, when RC stayed home I just decided I had enough and we needed to get him BACK to the doctor. This time we saw a doctor we like (but still wasn't our normal pediatrician) Dr. Prentice, she automatically hooked up to the oxygen monitor, gave him a breathing treatment, diagnosed him with an ear infection and said it SOUNDED like a bronchial infection but wanted to send us to ER as his oxygen stats were at 68% which is BAD!

Friday night, we rush to ER for Kids (Mendy's Place) at John C Lincoln Hospital and they get him hooked up to Oxygen, get him xrays, drew blood and did RSV swabs and H1N1 swabs and gave him two more breathing treatments. Within two hours we were told it was double pneumonia and that he STILL (obviously) had his ear infection. They said the RSV and H1N1 tests both came back negative so that it wasn't a concern. THey called an ambulance, got him hooked up to fluids from an IV and by 11 we were on our way to St. Josephs...AGAIN. Off to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit we go.

In between all of this, Matt and Ashley were SOO great, they came and picked up the girls and are STILL taking care of them and they brought us food, GOODNESS that was great. The funny thing is that at first I was devastated thinking...we have NO family out here, but then I realized. Shoot, yeah we do. Our friends out here, our close little family of friends is what we have and they REALLY came through for us. I appreciate more than I can express.

Saturday Morning (2am) they swabbed Rian again for RSV and GUESS WHAT! This time it came back Positive. Yeah. You heard me, second time we had a misdiagnosis. THis is where my skepticism comes in. Haha. For now they don't have him on fluids since he is drinking fine on his own but he still can't have food and still is pretty lethargic.

My heart breaks when I think that I should have caught this, or maybe we didn't bundle him up good enough or whatever, but what it really comes down to is I know I may be overdramatic when it comes to him but this is why. Had one doctor maybe done the oxygen monitoring, looked a little harder, cared a little more, perhaps we wouldn't have just been an insurance claim and would have been a part of his little "patient family" as well. I can't wait for our doctor (DR. Hineman) to have her practice up and running and maybe then we can rest assured that our three babies get the care they deserve.

I know you all don't want to see the pics, but I can't help it. It helps me to feel like one day he will look back at this and laugh because he will still be in the "stress my parents out phase" only then it will be sports he's playing, girls he's dating and pranks he is pulling. Haha.

Note: Just because I laugh and sound all together doesn't mean I am. If you know me at all you know this blogs keeps me together, but inside I'm a wreck, so try not to say I am strong and just keep us in your thoughts, you guys keep us going and I appreciate everything each one of you does for us. Makes me realize we are truly loved.

FIRST breathing treatment:


SECOND round of IV's in his arms, they have a heck of a time finding a vein:


SECOND Ambulance ride of his short little life:

No Time, Just Pics.

No time, sick kids, busy work life so here are some quick pics from the last week or so.

Took the dogs for a walk...FINALLY!

Made homemade donuts out of biscuit dough and covered them with yumminess!

Mommy had a night out with her friends!

The kids and their friends having random moments of silliness

First Day...

Rian at Daycare (by choice and not because we lost our sitter for a week haha).

Girls as "Latch Key" kids.

Man when did the time fly so fast that we even HAD two kids that were old enough to stay at home alone. CRAZY. The keys were made (they each chose one even though they don't each NEED one) and the list is made for their daily duties. Our girls are soo darn big it amazes me. Despite Neya's personality (strong willed and WHINY!) and Carina's lack of common sense (she STILL amazes me her book smarts) they are great and VERY responsible kids.

Such lucky parents we are.

Oh and side note. Rian cried for a nano second when we walked out, I am scared he likes freedom a little to much :)

Echo Ultrasound and Stablity....

Today was the day we have been waiting and dreading, for about 8 months now. We went to bed last night wondering if we were in the clear or if we were going to need to undergo another surgery (albeit much smaller surgery) again.

Rian and I had to go at this one alone which for me was much harder than I would like to admit. I got up early, got him ready, got me ready and off we went...ON TIME! I cried the first few minutes of the drive, in fear that I wouldn't hear exactly what I wanted to and also in fear that I would hear EXACTLY what I heard last time...not better, but not worse...so we are STABLE. Ugh. I know to anyone reading this blog are thinking...Drea, that is a HELL OF A LOT better than hearing "Well, he is going to need another surgery" but when you go through all of this, it also means...you are still not in the clear. It means you worry. ANYWHO, back onto the rest of his day...cause MAN he did SOO good.

8am: Mommy and Rian get in the car and off to the doctor we go, 35 minutes later we get there, and he is in the BEST mood, despite the fact that I have only fed him his FAVE snack at this particular time, which are freeze dried apple slices. So yummy, except daddy is not a fan.

838 am: We get to the cardiologists office and it's such a sense of worry and anxiety and even JOY because MAN we have made it this far and our little boy is growing GREAT. He towers over a lot of kids his age, he is smart as can be and he is SUPER busy. Busy with everything. We get in and the nurses bust out with "holy smokes Rian, you are soo big now, I am SURE you will get the all clear". I cringe yet can't help but smile from cheek to cheek.

920 am: This is where the waiting begins, these appointments have taken anywhere from 4-6 hours NO JOKE, each time we have come. so I am not surprised that it took this long to get back, but at 923 the nurse walks out and in we go. YAY! Rian of course still has no idea what is going on after all he hasn't been here since he was about 8 months old.



925 am: The nurse and I get Rian undressed he is starting to fuss a bit and I am TRYING my hardest to hold out on giving him his bottle (the first bottle in a couple days since we have switched over pretty much to just sippy cups...I just didn't want to frustrate him so I CAVED...bad mom...and took a bottle). She has to get his oxygen level, blood pressure, temp and height and then off we go. First thing I REALLY noticed, he hate hate HATE...did I mention he HATED when they hooked up the monitor to his big toe to get his oxygen level. He cried and screamed and kicked, man I was SURE this visit was going to suck royally. However after all was said and done he weighed in at 27lbs, and his oxygen level was at 100!!! We have never been at 100% with him, not even the day we took him home. OH and what that means is the oxygen level pumping through his veins, seeing as his first issue was that when he was born he had NO oxygen pumping through his veins and couldn't breathe on his own...which is how they track what to give him. He started out at 70% oxygen assistance at birth...that was rough and through the surgeries and such he was fine on his own and producing 98-99% oxygen on his own consistently.

There is an 'R' on this lollipop but you can't see it, this was the ONLY way to get him to lay down...yes...candy at 920am. Whoops.


Okay sorry, got off track...

10am: We finally get to the echo ultrasound room (this is where they check out his heart and see if there is noise (struggle of the blood flowing through his veins) and seeing if his valves, and "heart room's" (chambers) are pumping and flowing as they should. The ultrasound tech was AMAZING, and super good with Rian. We had on Monsters vs. Aliens and he almost turned it off and traded for Elmo as Rian was a bit whiny when he stuck on the ultrasound wire stickers, but I objected and good thing because Rian was absolutely SILENT the whole time. He was great. It was the first time in history that he didn't cry, move or act totally uncooperative the entire time, which meant it was also the SHORTEST ultrasound appointment we ever had.

This is where I realized he is a big boy...when he sat there soo calmly just waiting for everything to get done. Oh our big boy...he was SOO thrilled to have his bottle during this...I think that might have been why he agreed to be so quiet. Haha.


1038am: Rian is dismissed from the US Tech and we head down the hall to meet with the doctor and get the results from what she saw. This has always had us wait an ULTRA long time (especially since last time she didn't even know we were there, and that caused a TWO HOUR wait) but GASP, she showed up in record time, 7 minutes later. This is total time from when we walked in and Rian got his EKG...OH YEAH...about that.

So we get in the doctors office, he is still undressed and in his gown and about 2 minutes later the nurse walks in, sets him on the table, puts stickers on him for the EKG machine (he cried) then she hooked the wires onto the stickers (he cried) and then she had me give him his bottle and he was silent, 30 seconds later (probably actually two minutes) she was done. A COMPLETE EKG in less than two minutes. HOLY SMOKES. To get a good EKG on a baby they need to be SUPER still, not crying and completely calm. This process NORMALLY takes Rian a good 20 minutes. Not this time. Man, what a big grown up boy we have.

Note: I am NOT a bad mom, but drastic times call for drastic measures. There is powerade and water in his bottle (50/50) and hey it's better than Kool Aid. LOL. Don't judge me! Hehe.


Okay okay, then the doctor walks in after we take the stickers on and get him back off the little table in the office. The doctor was FLOORED by how Rian was soo calm and content. It was great. Dr. Guerrero can be blunt and kind of "rude" if you don't know how to take her but at this appointment she was soo optimistic, must have been because the holidays just passed! Hehe. She went over his Ultrasound and this is what she said, nearly word for word:

Rian is doing great, he is growing great, and his vitals look perfect. I didn't see what I was worried to see which was a negative result in the growth of his valves (meaning they now are struggling) and that is GREAT (she really said GREAT). Rian's valves have not grown (she must have seen the dissappointment on my face) and that is NOT a bad thing, and before I go on (she looked at me with a big grin) I want you to know mom (yes I am literally speaking as her right now) that he can wait a YEAR to come back! (I almost fell over).

Then she got a bit serious.

She stated there was no reason to have the surgery she thought we might have but that since we are waiting a whole year that we need to watch for TWO major things.

1. If he got tired quickly we needed to stop and put our hands on his chest and she said that we would ABSOLUTELY feel like his heart would jump out of his chest and not from being over worked, he could just wake up one day like that. UGh.

2. We needed to make sure that if he got sick we watched him SUPER close and feel for the same thing. Double Ugh.

Then she lightened the mood again (thank goodness).

I (again speaking as her) have no doubt that either of this issues will need to be of concern to you but I need to warn you of the seriousness and just know that I am ABSOLUTELY please with the way things turned out (she said this as she rubbed his little scar and I of course cried a bit).

And then she said EXACTLY what I did, yet didn't want to hear.

Rian's valves are no better, but also no worse and he seeems to be stable, I feel that they will grow as he grows but are just taking a bit longer than we would like. Not to worry though he will be fine, I am sure.

Quick pic of Dr. Guerrero and Rian, he was all smiles!


okay BACK TO ME speaking now.

Alright so we chatted some after this, I went over his ER doctor visit and hurnea scare, and she said it might be due to a multitude of things but that he felt normal to her, Yay.

So after all was said and done we got in and out in less than 3 hours and I STILL at 945pm shocked about that.

I got out of that office called Dad and told him all the news, he was also thrilled, then I got in the car and just couldnt help but stare at our little boy (okay it was actually stolen glances from the rearview mirror) all the way home (he slept. haha). I still cannot say that I am happy with the "not better not worse" comment but I am happy that for now our son is as healthy as he can be, and with STILL and SO FAR, only one surgery.

I won't really go into details because I can feel me getting emotional but basically today was the day I was hoping to be in the "safe" zone and I still feel in the "NOT safe" zone. I feel like we are still in watch mode, we are still having to worry and even though I am NOT in control AT ALL of his heart, I feel soo guilty that I have not done enough to get it to where it needs to be. This feeling is something that will be constant and will never go away, but for now I am SOO thankful that we have come this far and that he is by all counts (minus his scar and past) a NORMAL HEALTHY 16 month old TODDLER!

Thanks everyone (who may or may not have read the ENTIRE blog) for all your thoughts, and well wishes, it has helped us through every step of this little journey.

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We have had other stuff go on in the last couple days and those things are...Carina went to the zoo with her Nana as did Neya and we also had dinner with her Nana one night and it was SOO much fine. We helped her believe there was actually good AUTHENTIC Mexican food out here in AZ.

We also got butters a collar (after he was missing for a few days...read our last post. haha) and he LOVES it. The girls helped with the inscription. So cute.

Neya went on a field trip to the Zoo (haha, she is a ZOO oficionado now).

Carina has decided to sign up for Softball, that happens in February, I am soo excited for her on that one.

Rian was signed up for daycare today, we got the OFFICIAL go ahead from the doc and he starts tomorrow. YAY!

Here are some quick pics in relation to a couple of those last updates....enjoy!