Never a dull moment

Well last night I was given the RARE opportunity to go out with a friend for his birthday. RC had to stay home with the kiddos as we don't really know anyone to watch the kids, man I do wish family was closer but we will get to that later. RC came home to dinner cooked and only a few dishes in the sink, three kids needing baths and then bed time. Should have been easy enough.

I headed off to the local Dave and Busters (by local I mean 25 minutes away) and since I showed up early I want to Target (pronounced in my head as Tar-jay complete with a French accent) to scope out some last minute stuff for RC, which the girls and I will go purchase later today. Yep. We suck at keeping secrets.

ANYWHO, I finally went to Dave and Busters and for the first time in quite a while was uncomfortable, Had no idea who anyone was (besides the birthday boy and another coworker) aww well, I have made a pact to myself to stay more social this year and not use my kids as a hinderance. YES I use them as a way to get out of social events to avoid getting dolled up or being in akward situations where I don't know ANYONE. I know. HORRIBLE, but you gotta do what you gotta do. ANYWHO. Here I sat at Dave and Busters when (here is where maybe I get to be a little gross and add TMI) I feel "weird" to say the least.

My friend had shown up earlier inthe week and tonight she took hold of my life and my mental state. Long story short, about 10 months ago we had a miscarriage and it pretty much ruined me as I'd gone through it before but this time it was REALLY unexpected and took me a while to even PRETEND I was over (which last night confirmed was not even effective as it sent me into a whirlwind). ANYWHO, back to the story. My said "friend" came in gung ho and I had a moment where I thought "no way, not again and for about 6 hours last night I waited for it to get worse and it never did, so yay me but man does it make you think for a second.

I personally never wanted to take away my ability to have kids but the thought of having my heart pulled out like that again after the ordeal with Rian and that and other nameless things, I just don't know anymore. I guess me and the hubby have some talking to do. Of course I will wait for him to approach me because currently any talk of babies or life or changing my body or his just makes me tear up and want to hide in a hole. Mostly because I feel guilty that I know so many folks that struggle to have babies and here i am considering ripping that part of my body out. UGH. Mentally I am a wreck but externally things are GREAT!!!

Well on a different note, I got home last night, terrified and of course couldn't only focus on myself because well...we have kids. Rian was up AGAIN, late last night, fidgety, whiny and miserable. FOUR molars came in all at once and he goes in bouts of torture as they push through more and more. I give it a week before they all fully in and MAN will we all be happier campers. So I guess RC had a pretty easy night, outside of a whiny baby, a whiny teary eyed wife and a ton of concern for no reason (apparently) and also realizing that in less than 12 hours he would officially be a year older...

YEP I threw that in there, He is 31 today (notice how I capitalize HE as if he is GOD...well he might agree to that one). We wished him a happy birthday and the girls woke up early to make him a happy birthday sign which I of course posted on Facebook on my drive to work. Ugh. I can't believe he is soo old. Maybe its time to trade him in for a newer model. haha. TOTALLY kidding, I love my husband and although I drive him nuts, question him constantly and pretty much just do my wifely duties of nagging him...I would NEVER trade him in. He is my rock and although he may not say all the RIGHT comforting things at the right time and he may tend to Uhm...roll his eyes at me every time I want to talk through an argument or frustration we fit perfectly together. We laugh, act childish and love one another (i believe) unconditinally. I am lucky that we have come so far and I am excited to celebrate just one more birthday in a line of many in the years to come.

Okay enough sappiness, here are two pics. One from the girls and RC this morning and one from last night right before I left. Hey I could be an emotional wreck internally but I am not a woman who will pass up an opportunity for a pic. I'M ONLY HUMAN!!! hehe.




And in case I forgot to say it: Happy LATE birthday Shawn and Happy BIRTHDAY OLD MAN to my super duper hubby!!!