Nobody Said It Would Be Easy...

This weekend was a rough one. I had many tears shed, many word said that may or may not be regretted in the near future, many heart felt moments as well.

It all started Friday. I have been having a rough time. Life has been rough. Adjusting has been rough. Its weird when you think about what you had and what you are currently dealt. Life can be so weird at times.

We as a family have been here since July now and I tell ya it seems to get harder as the months and days go on. We had a little life in AZ. One that at the time, not many people from out here understood. It was still busy, still hectic, still crazy and stressful but we also had a "life". When we left here RC was pretty much the center of it all. People gathered at our house for impromtu bbq's, he went on bike rides with the guys, not to mention we had 2 less kids and the one we did have was gone at least 2 weekends a month with her Nana.

In AZ we had new friends and the couple friends that remained SOLID friends we were grateful for. You know who you are. The friends that were visited for more than just a break, the ones that still called just to talk, even if there wasn't NEW news to share or gossip to be had. I mean the true solid friends. The ones that still call and ask how we are just cause they haven't heard from us in a bit, even if we live in the same town and have no time to catch up.

However, in AZ we made new friends. Friends with families of their own, friends with relationships that consisted of more than what bar to go to this upcoming Friday night and friends that understood us. We knew that our lives were hectic but sometimes a nice night at home with one another was perfect. Sometimes New Years watching TV and playing guitar hero were just what the doctor ordered and even sometimes a lazy sunday was met with a phone call, a quick jump in the car and a lazy weekend spent in jammies, starbucks for breakfast and in n out for lunch, just cause it was yummy. LOL.

Whatever the case may be, we didn't have much out there but we did fit in, pretty well if I do say so myself. THe struggle for RC is he missed the chaos that we had prior. He missed the attention (don't worry, we have already talked about all this). He missed the life he had. I knew, being the almighty "know it all" that life if we ever came back would not be the same. Although we still had a close group of friends here, they also moved on in those 6 years. Made new friends, made bigger circles, had families of their own and somehow we just wouldn't fit in quite the same. Maybe I was being pessimistic but one can only tell once you are here.

We moved, after much arguing in fact the honest to gawd truth of it all was that I was supposed to wait 6 months before moving but I only held 3. The reason. Plain and simple, quick and dirty. Had I lived alone for much longer and become even closer and relied even more on my little AZ family. I never would have left. Never. I had to make the move. For my husband. For my "real" family to survive.

We got here, I hated him, we argued, people told me "it would be fine, things would be fine". We had a busy first month and then slowly it all went away. People again became busy with their lives, the "shine" wore of the new toy that we were and they retreated back to their old lives and their old friends and here we are wondering why we sit at home almost every night, with my parents and have nothing going on. I know that we could try harder. We could invite more people over but to be honest I also think that maybe they hold out cause HELLO. We live with my parents. I know. Weird right. The only person that has really come to hang out with us is RC's cousin and he fits right in. Dinner with the fams, parents and all. He is great and to be honest, if he didn't come over, I might think that our life out here was useless. That we just needed to move back.

In the last month we have had birthday parties (one to be exact) nights/days with friends (a couple more than just one) and dinners out (one to be exact) but its just not the same. Life as we know it has really just come down to RC and I. The kids. I just need to adjust my mentality to get out there more. To try and make new friends. Its just hard for me. I met all my AZ friends through work and we just fit. Just fit.

The long and short of it was this. Two things were said this weekend that hit home. They both came from my hubby.

"The biggest failure in this life wouldn't be me giving up this job and not succeeding if we chose to move back, the biggest failure would be not succeeding at us"

And...

"Just tell me what I can do, what can I do that is not selfish one bit to make this all right again, to make you happy"

Just hearing those words alone made me realize it is just him and I. It is just the two of us that can make this work and its not just me that misses my family in AZ. Its the both of us. We miss what we had. It meant a lot and to be honest I think it helped. We have one another and we have family so the best thing to do is make the best of it. I wouldn't trade my hubby in for anything in the world and knowing that I am not alone in this little depression bubble is reassuring and enlightening all at the same time.

So like I said when I started this, before all the rambling. Nobody said it would be easy. But damnit we can make it work.