Okay so I am here to rant and rave and complain and vent. I know I typically keep it pretty upbeat but here goes.
Recently we had my sis and her other half move in. It kind of happened spur of the moment when Rian got sick and we asked my sister to come out here for two weeks and that turned into them both moving out here permanently. We offered this before and I would do pretty much anything and since my sis said "he is a good guy, not sure what everyone sees against him" I figured...what the heck The mental battle on this is here..
My sis and her man went through some stuff and even knowing that I want to support my sister and the hardest part for me is that if it was my own daughter, I would NOT by any means be okay with their boyfriend living with us after a similar situation to my sister. Now, as part of being a sister you have to let your siblings make their own mistakes or choices and either they turn out fine or they fail miserably. I think my sister is pretty smart but still I can't shake the feeling that I let something into my house that I am not morally okay with.
I wouldn't refuse to let my daughter date any certain person, we have all been there, we know we date them even when our parents say not to, but I wouldn't let them live with me. On top of that, I don't feel that the "said person" is very respectful or appreciative. I think to some extent it seems that we owe them this chance and in fact we do not.
ALSO once he was out here I found out certain OTHER reasons why everyone was saying he wasn't the best choice that to be honest, make me a little uncomfortable. I mean, I ended relationships over far less, and that was because I wanted my own kids to grow up with better morals. Argh, so confusing I swear. And we aren't talking about cheating in this sentence but more life choices that stick with you...in your permanent record...forever.
In no way have EITHER of them done anything specific since they have lived with us that makes it apparent that they aren't the people they claim to be (okay maybe a couple things make me question this) but as time goes on we seem to learn more and more that makes me realize I am SERIOUSLY condoning something that again, if it were my own daughter I would be totally opposed to. I guess this is what happens when you are family. Sometimes you do things that you don't agree with but you do it anyways so they can prove you wrong and show you that they aren't as bad as what folks thought.
There are other little things that bother me and I guess I should have expected it as it is teenagers in my house but since I never grew up this way I don't know how to react other than to be offended. What are those things you ask...here let me tell you...
1. Not saying thank you when I cook dinner after a long day at work
2. Being helpful when we met but now putting out the bare minimum
3. Expecting me to come home and cook and almost making me feel quilty if I kinda don't wanna...one night I actually heard the words...
"So, whats for dinner..."
4. Scolding my kids, I don't like it when someone else tries to parent my kids
5. Keeping my dogs outside, maybe not all day but at least they've been outside when I get home, my dogs are family to even if they drive me nuts, respect them!
6. Showering together when my kids are fully aware of whats going on. JUST ERKS ME!
7. Disrespecting your elders. I get not liking them but why do you feel the need to talk about them negatively, I have KIDS, they look up to you, BE RESPECTFUL!
I guess thats basically it, but more than that I just get the impression that they view me and RC as parents (their parents) and that the things I do are similar to what they would expect from their own parents but the truth of the matter is I am just a sister trying to give them a chance and treat them as what they are...or should be...and that's grown ups.
Maybe I am cynical because I grew up young and had to fend for myself and possibly grow up faster than I wanted to but hey, I made the choice. Kinda funny cause this whole situation makes me think of that saying all parents say "you made your bed, now you gotta lie in it" or however it goes. LOL.
OMG I don't even know what to say to all that. Holy crap, you take on WAY more than I ever would. Seriously instead of letting it eat at you and get worse, you need to sit down and talk to both of them. You are doing them a HUGE favor, it is only fair that you lay down rules and they follow them. You are the Sis, but it is your house and your rules. Holy moly I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that things are getting worse! I agree with Tiffany - lay down the rules. They know that you aren't there parents and by no means are you assuming that responsiblity....but hey, it's YOUR house, YOUR car, YOUR money, YOUR kids and YOUR main focus (and we know it's always been) is YOUR husband and kids. I know that the teens aren't growing up fast enough, but you know what, they made that choice too - to live with you. You have FAR TOO much going on....and if they CAN help with that, that's GREAT!! But they do not need to ADD to it! You've been a great friend to them....but they need you to lay down the law for them! Shoot, use the old saying, "If you're going to live under my roof, you are going to live by MY rules!" And doesn't Carina read this blog too? Haha!
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