Dear Carina,
Nearly 13 years ago I found out things would be changing. It was a rough adjustment but one that I was (or at least felt I was) ready for. From the first time I laid on that doctor bed and heard your heartbeat and saw you as a little 'bean' I was in love. I changed my lifestyle, made wiser choices and although there were many that doubted us, I made it very clear I would move heaven and earth to prove them wrong and not only give you my all but raise you with the love any kid would die to have. I was young and naive and things weren't always perfect but you my dear, you were always a sweet, perfect little human being. You were smarter than your average kid, you were wise beyond your years and you were not only the apple of my eye, but you were pretty much the apple of anyones eye who you came in contact with.
You know how to solve problems, mostly by putting yourself last, you know how to give love and not expect it back. You can test my patience with the best of them and you and I can have round the clock arguments and then with one glance I remember you are the little momma that helped me to become who I am. You molded me as much I may have also molded you. We may have a relationship similar to that of best friends, but you also are respectful enough to know that I am your mom. You are sweet, sensitive, kinda, but also moody, quick witted (not always in the fun way) and you have a bit of a temper. You like perfection, you strive to be the best and when it doesn't happen you tend to get down on yourself. I hope that as you get older you are able to realize flaws and imperfections are what make you a better person.
You are a dancer, singer and little business women...and that is only at the young age of 12! You are in sync with all the hottest music, you are always up for a new duct tape creation challenge and you love to sing. You don't just sing in the shower, you sing in the car, you sing in the house, your room, the bathroom, in public. You may drive dad and I crazy because you even sing wtih your headphones on as we try to listen to other music, but thats okay, its what makes you...YOU! You are the center of your friends' world and you are likewise the center of my world. You have siblings who adore and look up to you and although there may be times that I get the urge to strangle you, its all in normal parent/child fun.
I want to apologize for not always being there when you need me and not always being the mom that so many others can be, but having you young has made me realize that even I have some growing up to do...STILL. You are my first born. My world. You are going to grow into the most amazing little person I know and if you stay on the path you are on right now I am certain I can stop trying to move mountains for you because you will be able to move them yourself. I am overwhelmed with pride every time I introduce you to someone and if I say that you can do better its only because I know you can and will. I adore you my love, I will do anything to make you realize this, even if it means keeping you away from the crazies that may corrupt my dear sweet little one.
I suggest in life you take chances, strive to overcome challenges and never doubt yourself. The only thing that has the option to hold you back from becoming even more perfect and well rounded than you already are is succumbing to peer pressures or self doubt. When you feel that you may be at a crossroad or a hurtle I will be here to push your forward and through it.
I love you beany bear. From now until forever and then some!
xoxo. Momma!
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