So here we are...

Any of you who read this blog, know that it is a family blog, updated VERY often and it probably gets quite a few smiles and sometimes maybe you wonder...What the heck, do they ever have DOWN moments. LOL.

So here we are...

Last week we took Rian to his 9 month heart appointment. ALL family and friends know what we dealt with at first and it's no surprise that it still sometimes catches a few of us off guard when we see his scar or question why he is breathing harder than normal, or rather...is it normal that he is breathing a little heavy. Over cautious is better than under cautious, I know I have some friends out there that can relate!

So we took him a week ago (Actually RC took him as I had to work...and have NO PTO left from my last hospital stint...and OH MAN did Mr. Guilt step in after the appt. was over)...

They said he looked good and did good during his chest ultrasound of his heart, lungs etc, RC asked a few questions and after the appointment this was the verdict:

He has noise in his valves still, which means the bloodflow is still restricted but it hasn't gotten worse, nor has it gotten better so there isnt "much" to worry about or cause concern. The other thing is that the "pressure" is higher for him than what they would like. It is a 32 instead of the prefferred 25. What did this mean. This meant that he will need to go back in 6 months (which is better than the "every 3 month" intervals we were at). It means that his ease of breathe is not the same as a "normal child his age" and that he has to work a little harder, we had never heard this before...so it was a new thing to worry about...

RC was relieved, he said he was happy with what the doctor said and felt no need to be concerned as they seemed very confident. I on the other hand, sat at work the rest of the day and then went home with a chip on my shoulder. I remembered ALL the days and nights I sat in the hospital (at the time 3 weeks was WAY to long). I remembered the breathing tubes, the needles, the IV's and constant beeping from the machines and I wanted to know everything I could do to AVOID that for our son for the rest of his life.

Needless to say in true Drea fashion I picked a fight with RC, then broke down, then cried, then told him I loved him I was just worried (yes even with ALL the good news I was still worried) and to actually say it out loud hurt more than holding it inside and only having MYSELF feel or know what I was thinking. It made me realize that no matter how big Rian gets, how many tumbles he takes, how good his scar looks or how brave he is during all his appointments I will always think of him as my tiny little heart baby who was as blue as a blueberry when he first came out.

So the next day I called the heart doctor, waited all day, played phone tag (I called her three times, she called me 4) and when we finally talked her last words to me were (in a very strong filipino accent)...

"Mrs. Hernandez, You have nothing to worry about. We are doing all of this to keep to OUR routine and make sure we DON'T miss anything and with as big, strong and healthy as he is now at 9 months, you have nothing to worry about what-so-ever, take care and have a good night, see you in 6 months"

With that I hung up and proceeded to cry in the quiet of my bathroom (this seems to be the place I believe NO ONE will hear me...crazy I know), and then I laughed at how silly I was to still be worried and then I cried some more. Crazy as this may and as simple and "short" as maybe our struggle was compared to some other friends I know it will constantly be something that tears at my heart.

This is soo different than a normal blog I would post but I was blog-surfing today (I in fact think I want to start following some "strangers" blogs but how do you be-friend a fellow blogger who doesn't even know you...LOL.), and I realized everyone has struggles, not every day needs to be a perfect day or end in smiles, so from here on out I will post tough parenting days, tough married days and of course our ever infamous FUN FUN FUN family days, and then the days that make you say "why did I have a family" may just seem like a "regular" day as opposed to the "most horrible" day. Of course though, the fun days are probably still going to be most prevelant but I won't be so "quiet" about a tough spot. LOL. Every story ends with a laugh or smile anyways when I tell it! Hehe.

TO end this I want to put on here a few pics and sentences that depict the struggle we went through...and where we are today...

Rian right after he was born. He really was BLUE. You can't really tell in this pic, but it was the look on the nurses faces when I was holding him right before this, and the look when they carted him away without a word that caused us to be worried.

This was the day after he was born. The night he was born they quickly took him by Ambulance to the St. JOsephs Childrens Hospital. It was how we saw him when we first walked into the Childrens hospital once they released me from Arrowhead, breathing tubes and all. We couldn't even hear what he sounded like when he cried for 4 more days. In fact I cried tears of joy the first time we heard him choke out some tears.

This was the day of surgery. He was a week and a half old, and it was SOO rough to let him go into that surgery not knowing how it would all turn out. We thought he had IV's hooked up to him before that scared us, this was WAY worse, my heart broke even more just wondering what he must be feeling...

This was the day we brought him home, I was SOO excited to FINALLY put on his first piece of clothing...Yes it is a tribute to Momma, my wittle messican baby!



This is how our little guy looks now, so strong and tough, a soldier in his own right. OH yeah...you know you love his side profile!



We went from having a healthy baby boy in my belly to having a baby facing "deadly situations" and being diagnosed with "Transposition of the Great Arteries" to having a baby that will be able to have a happy, "healthy" life. I have friends and family members with so many other struggles that its hard for me to NOT feel quilty at how short, or how "simple" (simple only cause after all was said and done he lived and has a great chance at a "normal" life...) this was for us but when I really sit down and think of the struggle it will continously cause, the worry and the questions it will bring up (can he have McDonalds, can he run in track, can he play sports, can he have a higher risk of heart attacks or heart disease)and the emotions, heart ache and pain it made me/us/our family and friends feel in the beginning, my heart goes out to them...it makes me realize...that here we are. Here we are, we have made it this far...

To end this entry...here is one of my very favorite quotes from one of my very favorite books that we read Rian at bedtime....

"Little Boy, you remind me how so much depends on days made of NOW"...

To this day I can't help but choke back tears when I read him this at bed time...it is SOO true.